Counseling

Q. Describe the most common types of jobs you do for your clients.

A. I often help my clients process traumatic past events that they have survived. Together we take the time to access and deal with the feelings associated with these events, which are frequently hard to unearth. Often, my clients find that through surviving and then cultivating a different relationship to their pasts: they perceive insights they would have missed, discover gifts that they would not have been able to develop otherwise, and they find themselves sharing their abilities with people who are struggling with similar things.

Q. Describe three recent jobs you've completed.

A. Recently I helped a couple successfully process an infidelity. I think the assumption all too often is that if someone in a marriage has been unfaithful to the commitment, then the marriage is over. But it simply doesn't have to be. That choice can be made, but it is a choice. Sometimes surviving such a tough thing together can bring a couple closer, because it makes them face the things in their relationship that weren't working.

I just finished working through a career transition with a man who had been doing what he thought he "should" all his life, living it from an external locus and in a lot of pain. Once he knew what he wanted to do, the fear and self doubt were crippling, but we used a combinations of techniques to keep him focused on the positive, taking one step at a time, and now he is successfully fulfilling his creative dream and making a good living!

I began work with a certain Client when she was a self described workaholic who wanted a family and kids but had been harmed very badly in her last relationship. She had told no one about it. She came from an abusive family and had no models for healthy relationships. Some things take time, but not as long as people often think. Feelings are not imaginary, though, nor are they ephemeral. They take up space and cause physical reactions. Not dealing with them or forgetting them takes a LOT of energy. Frequently Clients are exuberant about the amount of energy that becomes available to them as they start being more authentic to themselves, processing those painful things from the past and letting them go, learning skills to foster healthy intimacy and love. It is a truism that one cannot choose what to numb out. If you are choosing not to deal with shame, pain, loss...you don't know it but you are also cheating yourself out of so much joy, freedom, happiness, and just garden variety closeness with other people that simply can't be beaten. This woman just married a caring man who loves her dearly and they are expecting a child who will be very lucky to be in a household full of such love and wisdom.

Q. What advice do you have for a customer looking to hire a provider like you?

A. Study after study proves that it is the Client-Therapist connection that is the most crucial predicator of successful therapy. This means, as painful as it may seem to tell what you are struggling with to a series of strangers, SHOP AROUND. You can actually use these "shopping" sessions to help you articulate to yourself the exact nuances of the issue you want to work on and what your immediate and long term goals might be,which is often a large piece of the work. I offer free consultations because I consider it unethical to charge a fee to find out whether or not we would be a good match to accomplish that work together.

Q. What important information should buyers have thought through before seeking you out?

A. Unfortunately, Clients often know little about the Marriage and Family Therapist license. At the beginning of the therapeutic process, each therapist will offer an informed consent which are the rules of her office and also some information about what therapy is like and about the license itself. We are governed by both the Board of Behavioral Sciences and the California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists (the Ethical Governing Board), who have a lot to say about what it takes to practice, how we practice, what we can do in our practice, what we have to do to continue to practice, and how we can advertise our practice. This is a good thing. We still have unfortunate events occasionally occurring when an MFT makes an unwise decision despite all of this help. But Clients, not knowing this can sometimes mistakenly think that we are also General Practitioners or Financial Advisors. Now some MFT's may have special training in specific areas, but the laws are clear about not operating outside of our purview so unless we do, we have to steer clear of these things. We cannot help with General health issues and in fact in many cases, upon hearing that there is a severe health issue going on, we may need to get a report from your doctor before continuing treatment so we can make sure that what we are dealing with isn't actually partially a health issue. So it's important for a buyer to know what they are looking to deal with and who they should be going to for help with that issue.