Psychotherapy & Emergence

Q. What advice do you have for a customer looking to hire a provider like you?

A. Do not be too impressed with a therapist's credentials.Rather, trust your gut as to whether a therapist is right for you. When you call to make an appointment, ask if the therapist still works on him or herself. Also, ask what they have contributed to the world for free.

Q. If you were a customer, what do you wish you knew about your trade? Any inside secrets to share?

A. Most people assume that their wounds are the suffering they can see; their symptoms. Unfortunately, the wounds themselves function more like astronomer's black holes. Here you can never see a black hole directly. You know it's there only because the rules of physics break down around the black hole.

Wounds in the psyche function the same way. You can never see them directly. You find them only by looking for places wherein people's logical nature breaks down. This logical breakdown is what makes even dedicated people struggle to heal, as most people focus on logically curing what in essence are illogical situations.

Unfortunately, this is like trying to find a black hole with logic. The more you turn to logic, the less you find. In truth then, there is only one way to find your wounds. You focus on identifying the people, places, things, and ideas which cause you to brace for pain.

Q. What questions should a consumer ask to hire the right service professional?

A. Ask the therapist, "What makes you think you can understand my problems?" The therapist then must respond with something so authentic and personal that you know you will be talking to a human being and not a head-with-feet.

Q. What important information should buyers have thought through before seeking you out?

A. I am reimbursable. I have a state license. However, I belong to no insurance companies. Thus you'll need to have out of network coverage in order to be reimbursed.

On the other hand, almost half of my clients are self pay. Thus I feel like I am sort of like the truck-stop diners you see on busy thruways. When you see one where the parking lot is filled, you know it must be worth the stop.

Q. What do you like most about your job?

A. I am in my office three fourteen-hours days; Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Thus I never work more than one day in a row. Mostly though, I never tire of hearing people's stories. And I find peoples' lives, and the way these lives intertwine with the lives of others, infinitely interesting. I find that most people have good hearts and can aspire to greatness given someone helps them past their blocks.

Q. What questions do customers most commonly ask you? What's your answer?

A. The most common question people ask is, "why did such and such happen." Here, my answer is almost always the same. I first reference my favorite Rumi quote: "The eye goes blind when it only want to see why." I then ask people to picture what it is they feel so upset about.

When I do this, most people realize that what they sought; the meaning of the event, was right there in front of them the whole time. But because they were looking for words rather than for pictures, they kept missing it. Also, pictures do not include blame. They simply document. Thus by seeking pictures rather than seeking words, people come to see past blame and begin to heal.

Q. How did you decide to get in your line of work?

A. Life changing events rarely announce themselves. The one that happened to me when I was twelve was no exception. My grandfather, who was close to ninety, had come for Sunday dinner. He had done this only twice before.

In large part, this was due to my mother’s condition. She could tolerate only the most perfunctory talking and no loud noises at all. Because of this, we lived in monastic stillness rarely speaking, including at meals which were almost always eaten in silence.

When dinner was over, my grandfather got up and went outside. Minutes later, my mother directed me to go sit with him. I remember feeling nervous as I opened the door. What do you say to a man to whom you’ve never spoken other than to utter hello? Moreover, having been raised in near silence, I had no idea how to have a conversation.

Worse yet, there were only two chairs behind my house. This left me with one option—to sit right next to him. Nervously, I sat, and as I did he spoke my name. Even now, I can hear his gentle voice. And although I had no way to know it at the time, this conversation was about to change my life.

What happened next never fails to make me well up with tears, not so much from what he said but rather, because of how it made me feel. For the first time in my life, someone spoke to me as if what I thought mattered. As if I was not invisible. As if I existed as a person of some importance. Indeed, I have no words for what I felt other than to say I felt alive.

Can you picture me, a pathologically-shy twelve year old hanging on every word? My grandfather was eager to tell me about his life. And I was hungry to hear what he had to say. But just as I began to settle into what I felt sure was to be the most important conversation of my life, the back door slammed open and my mother shouted, “shut up, pop.” At which point, we resumed our silent poses. Fade to black.

Today, I know my grandfather was a disciple of the empirical wise man. My grandfather was a storyteller. Sadly, I met no other until I entered AA more than twenty years later. I mention this as it seems to have been the event which kindled my obsession with unraveling human nature. Indeed, from that day on, my hunger for people’s stories has never lessened. And along with it, my need to uncover the mysterious patterns hidden within these stories.
(from Unraveling Human Nature, with permission from Emergence Alliance Publishing)

Q. Do you do any sort of continuing education to stay up on the latest developments in your field?

A. Like many licensed professionals, I am required to take a certain amount of professional hours of training. However, I also spend parts of most days immersed in everything from early Christianity and Greek language studies to particle physics and the nature of personality.

I believe that to be a good therapist you must know something about just about everything, even if the only thing you know is how hard or complex it is to learn this thing. In this way, I seem to more resemble a six year old than a normal adult. To wit, I seem to have a bottomless curiosity to learn new things, including the things my clients teach me.

Q. What are the latest developments in your field? Are there any exciting things coming in the next few years or decade that will change your line of business?

A. For over sixteen years, my personal focus has been to create a way for people to see the good in all beings; to help them to stop blaming; and to help people to reclaim their love of learning. To do this, I've recently published my life's work; an entire theory of personality, the first to translate directly to the real world. No statistics. No cold theories. Just fractal patterns which point to the blamelessness which underlies human nature.

My hope here is that I will in some way alter the nature of talk therapy, moving the focus away from logic and more towards having joyous experiences.

Q. Describe your most recent project, what it involved, how much it cost, and how long it took.

A. I have been writing daily for sixteen years. From this, I've had two books published in the last year, both on how to find personal truth in the too-much-information age.

Q. If you were advising someone who wanted to get into your profession, what would you suggest?

A. The biggest suggestion I could make is, spend a lot of time watching young children. Here, the more you're able to connect certain behaviors in early childhood to certain ages, the more accurately you'll be able to frame your client's problems.

Also, never assume you know enough or that there isn't more you might do. At the same time, you must have a limit to what you should expect yourself to do. Otherwise you will very quickly burn out.

And don't take anyone's word for what is true. Your personal truth will always be more important to your clients than the most faithfully parroted wisdoms of others.