Relationship Coaching Services

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Relationship Gardening • Portland, OR • $50-160 per hour

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You'll be asked to provide your contact information so that Shannon Batts, M.S., Licensed Professional Counselor will be able to get in touch with you.
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Finding your love connection and building your cozy nest is something so precious, something you have yearned for all your life! How about keeping it thriving and lasting your whole life long? I can help you do that with the best research in the world on couples- lesbian, gay or straight.

Relationships (with mates, friends, family) need specific kinds of nurturing much like gardens. You wouldn't walk by a patch of soil in your yard, watch it grow wild without any tending and expect an abundant vegetable garden. The same goes for the most precious people in your life like tending to your communication needs, your conflict approach and your everyday habits. Remaining passive is not an option for long-lasting love. Couples see Shannon to get unstuck and revived.

The habits of long-term, happy couples can be learned and can, with high probability, save you the misery of the breakdown of your relationship which frees you to focus on the purpose and dreams of your lives, and pursue the gift you were given to express in your own life.

If your relationship garden is weedy and invaded by affairs for example, there are steps we can take to get your relationship on a healing path. Surveys of counselors show that nearly all do not know even the basics of helping couples, nor what is required to assist couples picking up the pieces after cheating.

Likewise, for couples with mixed gender identity, or where one spouse is coming out, you want to get the support of someone who can assist both of you in getting a grip.

Just the facts ma'am:

An early session with me will likely include time to video record you and your partner talking about a disagreement. Then, with playback of your video, on-the-spot couples' coaching of new Love Habits are required to keep you off the divorce path and onward toward a love for keeps. Couples get double sessions (so expect about 1 1/2 hour appts.) and pay $40 per quarter hour. Discounts available for those who need it.

You will not need the old-school style of endless therapy that leads to divorce. When you use a Gottman Institute (a.k.a Relationship Research Institute) trained and licensed professional for your Portland, Oregon couples counseling, marriage counseling, or couples coaching, you can get the tools you need in about 6 sessions-sometimes less, sometimes more. Sessions do not have to be weekly, but we will figure it out together-what is a good schedule for you. From the first session you will learn new tools to practice in session and out on building your foundation of respect and friendship that makes conflict better. A lot of it from that point on will depend on whether or not you are motivated to spend time daily with your partner growing the connection you dream of. You won't have to keep beating your head against the wall with this level of relationship coaching-you should feel results right away-that is if you do your homework;)

Learn to have the conflict conversation to bring you close instead of leaving you snarky.

Couples with infidelity (affairs) will likely need to go beyond the 6 session basics to get through the 3 phases of repairing trust at your own pace.

* Friday and Saturday hours 11-9 depending on the day are by appointment (call, email, or use online appt. book at Super Saas under business name of Relationship_Gardening)

* Women Connect Support Group for Healthy Relationships Saturday evenings, $20 per meeting (not drop-ins but an 8-week cycle of learning about research-based relationship tools). Women come without their partners and are able to take the tools home and use them anyway! Search online for Women Connect in Portland to learn more and to sign up.

* Relationship Gardening website has tools for couples through useful blog posts, videos, free news called "Love Habits" and links to appointment book with electronic pay options.

* LinkedIn profile is available by searching for Shannon-batts-m-s-lmft-lpc

* Workshops and presentations for private parties are available. What a great way to start out a new marriage-getting your relationship tool belt together so you know how to not get derailed-but keep it thriving. Or how about to shape it up before you take it further-since you are likely already showing signs of early, or late divorce, or life long love-but just don't know it yet.

*Recommended by Nikki Johnson, founder and director of Daystar Education (nonprofit Oregon addiction educators), Peggy Vaughan of Extramarital Affairs Resource Center, and William J. Doherty's National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists.

Hours

Fri: 12:00pm-9:00pm
Sat: 12:00pm-6:00pm

Reviews

March 24, 2012

If you want an uplifting experience intertwined with intelligent, positive input, Shannon is a great person to hang out with. She not only models her relationship gardening techniques, but she lives the paradigm. Be ready to learn and to receive quality support for nurturing your most important relationships.

My husband and I have been together almost 30 years. Not an easy feat by any means but the most important relationship in both of our lives. The ups and downs have been extreme at times and how nice it is to have a specialist in relationship counseling close at hand to help us through those rough periods. How lucky for all of us!

– Alice

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Question and answer

Q. What advice do you have for a customer looking to hire a provider like you?

A. Couples counseling is tricky-most approaches led to divorce in the past and still do if your counselor is not thoroughly familiar with the research on marriage and divorce. This is crucial because if your counselor doesn't know the findings, s/he can do more harm than good. Always ask about what they know about couples' research. Listen for an understanding of the Gottman Institute research and how they apply it to couples. Ask what kind of assessing does the counselor do. If they say they just interview you- that is not enough for couples. When you take those quizzes, or inventories, and fill out forms do they seem pointless or are they highly relevant?

Q. If you were a customer, what do you wish you knew about your trade? Any inside secrets to share?

A. Of course you have to feel good about your phone inquiry to your prospective counselor, but personality will not help you with the change you seek by itself. Albert Ellis proved that. He demonstrated that he could be a complete jerk and still help. But you don't have to settle for a jerk. Nowadays everyone has a website and videos are a must. Check them out and trust your reactions. If the counselor seems like someone you could talk to-cool! Call them up! Some folks saw my videos that get zany sometimes and said I was a little wacky-and that was GOOD! So I attract folks who appreciate a sense of humor. Amen, sister, but I also know my stuff about couples!

Q. What questions should a consumer ask to hire the right service professional?

A. What is your niche? (if they name every aspect of the human race-move on, they could not possibly specialize in everything). Ask what kind of couples they love to work with the most.
What is your licensing and how long have you had it? (look for the word "Licensed" in the title. Or if you are seeing an intern-are they under supervision-with who-what is THAT person's license?) Interns are great, but not necessarily experienced enough with couples since grad schools often don't even touch on couples treatment! Also interns move around a lot and you may get in the groove and they have to move to new internship,etc.
What is your theory of how couples get off track and how to get them back on? (Listen for knowledge of the Gottman Institute research-if they blow you off here-they need to get some training or at least pick up a marriage journal from the last 10 years and catch up).
Are you happily married? For how long?
What are your fees? Do you take electronic payment?
Do you have Saturday hours?

Q. What important information should buyers have thought through before seeking you out?

A. Couples wait too long to get help. Prevention is the best way. Everyone knows to brush their teeth. But NOT everyone knows what a love map is let alone how important it is to keep it updated. The point is that it is extremely wise to learn what you can to keep your love fed and alive so that you can not be bogged down by miserable relationships. It hurts to live like that and it is bad for your physical health and longevity too. So find out what turning toward means, and how to get out of sticky negativity-it is all learnable and easier to do before you get all jaded and blame your partner for all your problems.

Q. Why does your work stand out from others who do what you do?

A. Most therapists have NO training in helping couples-ask them what they learned and how and you will find out. Our grad schools don't usually require it! I have advanced training with Drs. John and Julie Gottman of the Gottman/Relationship Research Insitute, in both the Gottman research based methods and in treating betrayals, affairs. Every couple I have seen, just about, has been to sometimes numerous therapists for relationship help and are surprised to get the practical help they need starting in the first session with me.
The difference rests with knowing what the habits are that create a healthy marriage and giving you the tools to make it happen in your lives. It is not something I guess at, but do what the research confirms-this is very different that typical couples counseling which can be based on any of a number of styles of therapy that may or may not be enjoyable-but lacking the content that will make a difference.
Secondly, you can do an initial shop around by looking at therapist videos online and if so, you may see that many are conveying anxiety, depression or saying mostly nothing in a bunch of therapist jargon.
I do a pretty good job at being myself, without a therapist mask and making our work entirely more enjoyable as a result. We usually start our sessions by making tea first and that sets the tone I seek to create-where you can get what you need AND enjoy yourself while you are at it.

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