FAQs
- What should the customer know about your pricing (e.g., discounts, fees)?
Standard pricing for the wedding services range from $175, to $200. If a couple is having a traditional wedding, the cost is $175, but travel expenses may apply. For a themed wedding, or for a wedding given in short term notice (less than 30 days), I generally charge about $200 for my time writing a special sermon, and procuring an outfit if need be.
- What is your typical process for working with a new customer?
These are some of the questions I ask couples in the beginning of the ceremony planning process. As a wedding officiant I often meet with couples and I ask them if they have questions. Generally, they don't even know what to ask. So much of what's involved in a wedding ceremony is often thought of as a church service. When you aren't having a church service what exactly do you do???? What I do when I sit down with a couple is just start asking questions. And, most of my questions are based on experience so they can be totally bizarre questions. And honestly? Some of my more bizarre questions all happened at one wedding. It goes something like this… How many guest are you inviting? How many people are in your wedding party? What kind of wedding are you looking for? Traditional or themed? Religious or nonreligious or a mix of both? This gives more of an idea of what you want. Perhaps you want a Christian ceremony or an atheist ceremony? Sometimes couples want a Star Wars ceremony or another theme. My first ceremony I officiated was Zombie Apocalypse themed. This would be the point where you would explain your family dynamics when it comes to religion and your ceremony. There is no right or wrong here. It's how we know in which direction to go. My idea of the ceremony is it will be love based, romantic and light hearted. I can include humor as not to be stuffy but still very respectful. I want the two of you and your guests to be engaged in the ceremony. I don't want the two of you to be nervous or sick with worry. I want you to be comfortable. I also want your guests to be engaged in the ceremony and not thinking about when the bar opens or how incredibly boring wedding ceremonies are. Memorable ceremonies are a reality! Guests usually comment that it was the best wedding ceremony they've ever been to. At this point we can discuss parts of the ceremony that are important to you. Perhaps Jewish, or Catholic traditions, or a Pagan handfasting? Will you be drunk at your wedding? The first time I asked that question the couple looked very concerned. They were under the understanding that I was not a religious officiant. In reality, I do not care IF you are drunk at your wedding. I pretty much assume you will be drinking at your wedding. I'm concerned if you will be drunk at your ceremony. I just want to know what I'll be dealing with. I've had the reply: Absolutely! I will need at least a bottle of champagne to get through the ceremony. The rehearsal is VERY important! Other couples will know what I'm talking about and say "we might have a problem with one of my groomsmen but he promised...." I had one bride reply "I have 7 drunkles, but they are happy drunks!" Usually, my next question is "how do you want me to respond if they interrupt your wedding ceremony?" As far as the drunkles were concerned It was agreed if they got crazy drunk and made comments I could make comments back in the same jovial manner! Some families simply drink at parties. It's part of their family dynamics. I don't judge that. I have a family too!! I do have to keep in mind when we sign the marriage license, or if lighting candles is a good idea. Will you have children at your wedding, and/or in your wedding? I think we can all agree that little kids in weddings are adorable! I say, don't have any expectations! They are there for cuteness factor!! Again, I just want to know. Often couple have wonderful memories of being children at family weddings and really want to go with the flow with their nieces and nephews. Maybe you are have a completely child-free wedding with great intention. That very much sets a tone for your wedding. You want your guests (and officiant) in formal evening wear and you want a very simple ceremony so the party can begin. Will you have people participating in your wedding? Often, couples already know who they want to participate in their ceremony. Their mothers want to be included or you want to present flowers to important people. Maybe your aunts or uncles or other relatives of friends are going to perform readings. This helps us to decide what readings or unity ceremonies are appropriate based on those performing them. Sometimes the couple will allow the readers to choose what they want to read. Maybe you will be exchanging vows with your children? Your cousin will be singing? I want to help the ceremony to flow well and these answers are taking into consideration. Would you like to write your own vows? Some couples most definitely do. Other couples most definitely do NOT. You should know there is no right or wrong. There are options here you may not be aware of. In many religious ceremonies the couple repeats the vows after the religious leader. I still remember asking this question to a groom and his response was: "Why should I repeat after you? I can speak for myself!" I had literally never thought about it that way. He makes an awesome point. Other couples know that they will be repeating after me because that's the way it has always been done in their minds and they've practiced it, they are in it together and it's perfect!! Some couples very much want to write their own vows. There are options with this as well. Maybe they want to be asked the simple marriage vows as a questions first and then they speak their own words. Maybe you want to exchange formal vow and use your own vows as part of your ring exchange? Options are endless! Will you be exchanging rings? This seems like a very crazy question. But, it's not. Some people get tattoo's. Sometimes brides will receive a ring but the groom won't. It's got absolutely nothing to do with fidelity, the groom may be an electrician or work with his hands and know he will not wear it so they choose not to spend the money on the ring. It's written in some religious ceremonies that they couple exchanges rings as part of it, like the ring has deep meaning. Personally, a ring has any meaning you choose to give it. Will someone be giving you away, or presenting you in marriage? This is a question a bride either has an immediate answer for or looks puzzled. Some brides are very close to their fathers. They are having their dream wedding. Of COURSE their father is giving them away!! (duh) Other brides will definitely say "I will be presented by my father." Others will ask what I mean and I'll explain it and then they will discuss it with their father. Every family has different dynamic and this is one of those places it shows. Sometimes the brides mother will give her away. Sometimes the couple will follow a Jewish tradition of the brides family presenting the bride and the grooms family will present the groom. Some grooms have relationships with their mothers and want to include her in this way. Some brides have very adult relationships with their fathers where they will walk down the aisle together and that's it. No presentation at all. Many brides have two dads. A biological father and a step father and they are both active in their lives, and both awesome dads.
- What advice would you give a customer looking to hire a provider in your area of work?
Most couples would probably want to know what questions they need to ask the pastor/minister/clergy/chaplain when they meet or speak with them the first time. I am aware that some clergy may see this as a job and perhaps never even see the couple before the wedding. Perhaps the minister just needs the names of the bride and groom because they perform a basic ceremony with a mini sermon tucked in the middle on marriage. However, a thoughtful minister will really seek to know the couple and meet them way before they get to the altar. If the couple attends church and their pastor will perform the ceremony, many times the couple is required to go through some sort of premarital counseling which is a great way for the clergy to get to know the couple. But what if you don’t have a church home? What if you hire a minister by personal referral or from a wedding website the minister advertises on? You can tell when you meet or speak with the minister what kind of input he/she will have in your life by what questions they ask you! Any minister worth their salt will ask: 1) How did you 2 meet? 2) What made you fall in love with each other? 3) Tell me about what kind of home you each grew up in ( this should give the minister some insight into what behaviors will compliment each other and what could cause conflict, which is helpful!) 4) What kind of ceremony does the couple want? 5) Is the couple on the same page about having children? 6) Where is the couple spiritually and are they able to respect each others views or come together in this area? 7) Give the couple some basic communication skills and give them a book as a gift on marriage communication. 8) Who is the spender, who is the saver in the area of finances? 9) And for heavens sake a basic talk about the physical relationship! A man needs to know, to the degree he is attentive to her in the kitchen (all other areas of life), is the degree she is attentive to him in the bedroom! These are things their mother may not tell them but a responsible minister should not be afraid ‘to go there’!!! 10) Do you have any ‘fears’ or ‘hesitations’ about getting married? It is better to talk about them openly. Most fears can be squelched when you bring them out in the open. Good communication includes talking about things we would rather not talk about! 11) Finally, the minister should pray with the couple before the wedding and commit to them to pray for them all the way to the wedding day. A minister should take the couple under their spiritual wing and carry them from the first meeting until they take flight as a married couple at the altar. Here’s hoping the clergy you choose will make you feel comfortable and secure and offer themselves as a spiritual mentor for the most important time in your life!